As relationships go, you are a Special Advisor to The President. You can say 'no!' all day long, but the President is powerful and has the final say. Impulsive and lacking the ability to reason, The President will often take the advice of whoever/whatever creates the most potent emotional response.
When I'm not taking Modafinil, it feels like I'm pulling a heavy weight around with me and that everything I do requires more effort and energy; this applies to both mental and physical tasks. Everything I want to do feels like it's going to drain my batteries and just be a hassle I don't need. It's a resisting force that stops me getting things done or slows me down so that every task takes far longer than it should.
I need some help with my ADHD. As I wrote in my last post - I can't think my way around ADHD - energy, focus and willpower are things the automatic brain does. But, for a whole bunch of reasons, I don't want to be on prescription ADHD medication. After reviewing a lot of articles, blog posts, videos and podcasts, I decided to try Modafinil.
You just can't think your way to better energy, focus, willpower and emotional control because these aspects are firmly under the command of the brain - not the mind. Deficits in Brain Intelligence are not deficits in thinking - they're deficits in the functioning and composition of the brain.
If this is true, it means the mind exists to serve the brain, rather than the brain and body existing to serve our minds. Our minds serve the brain by performing reasoning tasks and returning the results to the brain, where it is processed just as with any other sensory information. The brain, not the mind, is ultimately in control of our actions.
I intend to address my diagnoses using an experimental protocol that I have designed. Medications are out; both prescription medications recommended by my psychiatrist and the nootropic substances favoured by the biohacking crowd.
I've not been lazy or undisciplined in the conventional sense - this ADHD character has been sabotaging me all along - and the cheeky little b**tard also let me take the blame for it. Now, I'm annoyed, really annoyed, annoyed enough to fight back.
The new year is always a good time to lay down a marker, put the past behind you, look to the possibilities ahead, and make a fresh start in life. Sure, you can do this any day of the year, but there's something extra significant about January 1st.
I don't want to manage my ADHD - I want to solve it as best I can through natural methods. I'm going to give myself six months to find a natural way to fix my ADHD (or at least dramatically reduce the symptoms), and if I can't, I'll then reconsider the medications.
Relief is, by far, the most significant emotion I've felt since my diagnoses. All my self-reflection and examination pointed to something different about the way my brain works, and I feel vindicated - I finally have confirmation that the way my brain processes information is not typical (neurotypical). What's more, I now know I'm not alone - there are millions of neurodiverse people out there in the world.
If you want to understand what has changed over the past 60 years, look at the advertising. It used to be that advertising told us about the utility value of a product or service (specifications, features etc.); today, it's all about lifestyle and how a product defines your identity and place in the social hierarchy.
The more people I speak to about ADHD, the more apparent it is that ignorance of ADHD is common. When I describe the symptoms - such as an inability to concentrate or get things done, distractibility, poor short-term memory, impulsivity, sleeping issues etc. - the typical response is "isn't that the same for everybody?"
Getting a diagnosis of ASD and ADHD means I don't have to accept all those labels and accusations people have placed on me. Those people are wrong. Those people don't know me. The guilt and regret I had about being different and underachieving were misplaced. I know myself much better than before the diagnoses.
Two weeks ago, I received an eighteen-page report from the psychiatrist who assessed me for autistic spectrum disorder (ASD). Crutially, though, the psychiatrist didn't diagnose ADHD - which is understandable because the assessment was explicitly for ASD. So, last weekend, I went back for an ADHD assessment.
A friend and I went to the cinema last night to watch a documentary film called Tawai - A Voice From The Forest. It was a beautifully shot documentary and it triggered lots of interesting thoughts in my head. Unfortunately, I could barely sit still in my seat.
I rationalised to myself that I'm smarter because I only do the things I want to do and when I want to do them. The fact I was experiencing success in my work and earning a lot of money validated the illusion. It was a great trick of the mind and was working nicely until my ADHD was pointed out to me. What do I do now?
As an adult, I've only had one real desire: to achieve peace of mind (POM). I've had goals such as financial independence, to work for myself, to own a house without the obligation of paying a mortgage; but those goals were part of my quest to achieve POM.
The brain, 'I', consciousness and obtaining peace of mind (POM) has been the dominant subject at Only the POM. Going forward, I will expand the range of topics I cover to include minimalism, autism/Aspergers, ADHD, veganism, entrepreneurialism and whatever else takes my fancy.
I started blogging here out of frustration that Nick at OverThePeak.com had banned me from commenting there. Most of my posts here have been responses to posts made by Nick so that I could continue to be a part of the discussion - even if few people read my contributions. This blog also served as a release to help me restore my POM.
Now that I've had a couple of weeks to learn about ADHD, I'm starting to understand how it affects me. The most significant realisation I've come to is that my long pursuit of POM has been a quest to alleviate my ASD and ADHD symptoms.
Last Monday, I was clinically diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). The type of ASD I have is commonly called Asperger's Syndrome, and although I wasn't aware of it until recently, I've had it all my life.
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